{"id":279,"date":"2022-01-11T10:50:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-11T16:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/?p=279"},"modified":"2022-01-11T10:58:39","modified_gmt":"2022-01-11T16:58:39","slug":"the-1500-things-uji-is-no-longer-allowed-to-do-at-valor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/?p=279","title":{"rendered":"The 1500 Things Uji is No Longer Allowed to Do at Valor"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This list originated at Valor in 2012 or 2013, representing primarily the efforts of myself and Lord Cuadhri. Many others contributed as well. This list was what caused an attendee at Valor to say “Wait, Uji is real? I thought they made you up.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This list has been edited to remove some jokes which appeared on the original list but which I had wanted to remove for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite editing ones which were, in retrospect, more mean than funny, this list still contains bad language and sexual references.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. No longer allowed to kidnap officers or their spouses to drive to other kingdom\u2019s events.<\/li>
  2. Not allowed to commandeer aircraft for any reason.<\/li>
  3. Not allowed to call non-Spanish personae by Spanish names.<\/li>
  4. Not allowed to call Spanish personae by Scottish names.<\/li>
  5. Not allowed to create any new accents.<\/li>
  6. Not allowed to say that anyone cries anything.<\/li>
  7. Not allowed to incite any form of holy war.<\/li>
  8. Uji is not allowed to determine other people\u2019s allergies.<\/li>
  9. Uji is not allowed to create more than 75% of a day\u2019s heralds announcements, whether he is reading them or not.<\/li>
  10. Even if I can document it, not allowed to \u201cmount the curb.\u201d<\/li>
  11. Ruining another\u2019s experience is neither an art nor a science.<\/li>
  12. Calontir Steel has percussive blows not percussion caps.<\/li>
  13. Not allowed to spend more than 10% of the event\u2019s budget on leiderhosen.<\/li>
  14. Not allowed to declare myself ambassador from any Kingdom, especially those I\u2019ve just invented.<\/li>
  15. Not allowed to modify anyone\u2019s precedence for funsies.<\/li>
  16. I have been told \u201cheavy\u201d describes the combat not the combatants, and also\u2026glass houses, dude.<\/li>
  17. In addition to Rule 11, I am not allowed to determine when ruining another\u2019s experience is a service.<\/li>
  18. If I beg a boon, it had damn well not be for soda money.<\/li>
  19. Not allowed to invent peerage orders for any reason.<\/li>
  20. Not allowed to unilaterally declare war on any Kingdom.<\/li>
  21. Even if it is to be decided by a \u201crock off\u201d.<\/li>
  22. Even if it is Aethelmarc.<\/li>
  23. Especially if it is Ansteorra, even though they know what they did.<\/li>
  24. Cannot convince newcomers that if they die on the field, they have to come back from a culture that believes in reincarnation.<\/li>
  25. My milkshake does not bring all the Knights to the yard, nor is it FDA approved.<\/li>
  26. \u201cHere must we hold\u201d is not to be used at every lull in conversation.<\/li>
  27. Not allowed to declare any person any of the following: Baron, King, God, Saint, Krishna, Buddha, Lama, Avatar, or Dragon Reborn.<\/li>
  28. \u201cHere must we hold\u201d is geographical, not anatomical.<\/li>
  29. Especially on my anatomy.<\/li>
  30. Doubly especially on anyone else\u2019s.<\/li>
  31. Triply especially on Her Majesty.<\/li>
  32. \u201cShould have gone to Battlemoor\u201d is never an appropriate battle cry.<\/li>
  33. Or camp cry.<\/li>
  34. I am not allowed to paraphrase any Kingdom\u2019s legends.<\/li>
  35. Not allowed to spend any percentage of the event budget for any reason.<\/li>
  36. This list does not take precedence over troll, court, or the showers.<\/li>
  37. Just because I\u2019m a lawyer doesn\u2019t mean I can make objections during court.<\/li>
  38. I must be wearing some form of top and pants at all times, and they must be in their proper configuration.<\/li>
  39. Chicken wine is neither to be threatened nor weaponized.<\/li>
  40. Humming the \u201cMortal Kombat\u201d theme during the tournament is not allowed.<\/li>
  41. Nor is calling for fatalities.<\/li>
  42. A one-shot round is not a \u201cflawless victory.\u201d<\/li>
  43. \u201cTiny Dancer\u201d is never appropriate entrance music.<\/li>
  44. Writing things for them to say does not mean I can make the Heralds cry.<\/li>
  45. My \u201cSantamaria\u201d privileges have been revoked.<\/li>
  46. \u201cde la Douchebag\u201d is no one\u2019s surname.<\/li>
  47. Tijuana is not period, and this is a good thing.<\/li>
  48. Not allowed to encourage fighters to aim for any of the following: Spleen, moustache, duodenum, or rectum.<\/li>
  49. Not allowed to offer moustache rides from the Baron without the Baroness\u2019 express written permission, notarized.<\/li>
  50. May not rebroadcast any part of the tournament without express written permission of Major League Football.<\/li>
  51. May not ask for anyone\u2019s express written permission.\u00a0 Or claim to be a notary unless I actually am one.<\/li>
  52. Siege weaponry is not for transportation use.<\/li>
  53. The word is disseminate, and I had damn well better learn that.<\/li>
  54. Not allowed to commandeer unattended children for any reason, no matter how hilarious.<\/li>
  55. Sir Mix-A-Lot does not hold SCA rank or precedence.<\/li>
  56. Not allowed to create an entire persona based on how funny it would be to be able to place \u201cSir\u201d in front of it.<\/li>
  57. \u201cHere must we hold\u201d does not mean you must stay there all war.<\/li>
  58. Not allowed to compare the Baroness to any meteorological phenomena.<\/li>
  59. My persona may not have any two of the following descriptors: Tone deaf, Slavic, musician.<\/li>
  60. Throwing up the horns may only be done in certain areas; court is not one of them.<\/li>
  61. I may participate in but not incite any form of Vatavian civil war.<\/li>
  62. Personal space is not \u201cfor other people.\u201d<\/li>
  63. Wait no\u2026personal space is for other people, and I will respect it.<\/li>
  64. Though common, a shaven head and goatee is not the \u201cofficial Vatavian haircut\u201d, and I am not authorized to enforce it or inflict it.<\/li>
  65. Nor can I convince newcomers it is an authorization requirement.<\/li>
  66. My motto is not \u201cAiming for blasphemy but ending with treason.\u201d<\/li>
  67. My bardic diplomatic immunity has been revoked.<\/li>
  68. I may not change any group\u2019s status.<\/li>
  69. Not allowed to administer ad hoc licensure examinations on any subject to anyone, especially orally.<\/li>
  70. On second thought, I am not allowed to administer anything orally to anyone.<\/li>
  71. I may not apply the adjective \u2018incipient\u2019 to anyone\u2019s title, rank, marriage, genus, or species.<\/li>
  72. Ditto for \u2018proto.\u201d<\/li>
  73. My last words on the field or in a court may not be \u2018Hastur, Hastur, Hastur.\u2019<\/li>
  74. Valillies is never going to be an event, and I need to stop trying.<\/li>
  75. Beer money is not a good boon either.<\/li>
  76. Though I have the legal knowledge, not allowed to alter waivers on the fly.<\/li>
  77. I am not allowed to take the DeLorean up to 88 MPH.<\/li>
  78. I may not claim a fighter killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.<\/li>
  79. I do not put the fun in fundoshi.<\/li>
  80. It is not easier for me to ask forgiveness than permission.<\/li>
  81. I may not create new fetishes.<\/li>
  82. I am not allowed to do wheelies in any vehicle.\u00a0 Especially wheeled ones.<\/li>
  83. I may not make any shouts in the Dragon language of Skyrim.<\/li>
  84. I do not have permission to buzz any towers.<\/li>
  85. There is an upper limit to the number of defenestrations I can claim are accidental.<\/li>
  86. May not draw up plans for a toll booth on the part of the Lillies War road Vatavia owns.<\/li>
  87. While Budweiser is the \u201cKing of Beers,\u201d the keg does not share precedence with His Majesty.<\/li>
  88. Not allowed to declare more than 2 Jewhads per valor.<\/li>
  89. \u201cI\u2019ve got 99 problems but a horse ain\u2019t one,\u201d is not an appropriate description of the equestrian waiver.<\/li>
  90. I am not allowed to form death panels.<\/li>
  91. Just because they\u2019ve signed the equestrian waiver doesn\u2019t mean I can hit them with a horse.<\/li>
  92. I am not allowed to recreate Thermopylae in the main hall.<\/li>
  93. And the men\u2019s restroom may not be referred to as \u201cthe Hot Gates.\u201d<\/li>
  94. Not allowed to walk like an Egyptian.<\/li>
  95. Not allowed to enter the Bardic Competition with any instrument I have never played before, including but not limited to: Ukulele, mandolin, vuvuzela, or bagpipes.<\/li>
  96. Not allowed to borrow the Baron\u2019s bagpipes just so I can say I\u2019ve played them before.<\/li>
  97. I am not authorized to enforce a curfew or perform bad checks.<\/li>
  98. No matter how much we respect his 2 AM dedication, may not \u201chelp\u201d the farmer via a fertility sacrifice in his fields.<\/li>
  99. Especially an Aztec sacrifice.<\/li>
  100. May not apply the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to troll figures, even if the shift ends at 2 AM.<\/li>
  101. May not crack 100 things.<\/li>
  102. Shit.<\/li>
  103. May not tattoo \u201cSong of the Shieldwall\u201d in runes on people who pass out in public.<\/li>
  104. May not tattoo \u201cSong of the Shieldwall\u201d in runes on myself with the intent to display it.\u00a0 Ever.<\/li>
  105. I may not tattoo anything on anyone, even with permission.<\/li>
  106. The Vatavian roll of arms is not a dartboard, no matter what clever scoring system I invent.<\/li>
  107. I will not cross the schemes.<\/li>
  108. There is no swimsuit component of the Tournament of Valor, and I am forbidden from convincing Sir Uldyn there is.<\/li>
  109. \u201cIt\u2019s not even breathing hard\u201d is not an appropriate response to \u201cWinter is Coming.\u201d<\/li>
  110. Not allowed to invite out of towners to visit the Westboro Baptist Church on their way back home.\u00a0 No matter who I am trolling, no one wins at Westboro chicken.<\/li>
  111. If I am going to describe something as an \u201cAngry horde,\u201d I need very precise enunciation.<\/li>
  112. Heralds are not permitted to take any portion of the inner ear hostage.<\/li>
  113. I will not attempt to lead the equestrians in the hokey pokey.<\/li>
  114. That fighter suffered a herniated disc, not a \u201cballsplosion,\u201d whatever that is.<\/li>
  115. Not allowed to supervise anyone.<\/li>
  116. If I find myself as the only responsible adult, I must immediately find an actual responsible adult.<\/li>
  117. Even if a dance starts with a jump to the left, I am not allowed to add a pelvic thrust to drive anyone \u201cinsay-ay-ay-ayane.\u201d<\/li>
  118. As far as I am concerned, the following do not count as \u201cany medium\u201d for A&S: Interpretive dance, smoke signals, flatulence.<\/li>
  119. I am not allowed to do the helicopter for any reason.<\/li>
  120. I am not allowed to represent a horse in court, whether SCA or otherwise.<\/li>
  121. If I\u2019m going to use the excuse \u201cThe Baron said I could,\u201d I should actually ask him once in a while.<\/li>
  122. Not allowed to dress children in concentric circles and tell them to run at the archers.<\/li>
  123. Thrown weapons does not include their Majesty\u2019s chairs.\u00a0 That\u2019s \u2013one now \u2013own.<\/li>
  124. If I am in an archer\u2019s duel, I shall not choose \u201cTruck.\u201d<\/li>
  125. Even if he has not registered one, \u201cBingo\u201d is not his name-o.<\/li>
  126. Nor is \u201cWinky McPeeps\u201d<\/li>
  127. A \u201cbard-douche\u201d is not a real pole weapon, nor is it an appropriate punishment for singing off key.<\/li>
  128. Even if objectively or evidentiarily true, \u201cthat\u2019s what she said\u201d is not to be deployed during court.<\/li>
  129. Just because Hal has gone away aboard a man o\u2019 war doesn\u2019t mean I have salvage rights on his stuff.<\/li>
  130. I am neither the fence, powder monkey, or ballast aboard the man of war.<\/li>
  131. I will not start the rumor that the Baroness disapproves of Otter\u2019s \u2018Hot Sausage\u2019.<\/li>
  132. Bangers and mash means what I know it means, not what I want to imply it means.<\/li>
  133. Not allowed to invent gang signs.\u00a0 Especially during court.<\/li>
  134. I cannot announce that the Valor archery shoot is an atlatl battle unless it actually is.<\/li>
  135. Not allowed to actually crush anyone\u2019s skull.<\/li>
  136. I must not confuse baklava and balaclavas again.<\/li>
  137. Not allowed to do a dubstep remix of any Calontir classic song.<\/li>
  138. Calontir carmel dansen is never going to be a thing.<\/li>
  139. Not allowed to introduce the belt and boots victory lap to Vatavia.\u00a0 The rest of the Kingdom can look out for its own damn self.<\/li>
  140. No part of this camp is to be referred to as \u201cThe happy trail.\u201d\u00a0 Nor is any person in it.<\/li>
  141. There is no such thing as pants optional court.<\/li>
  142. I am not allowed to \u201cpull a Kanye.\u201d<\/li>
  143. I am not allowed to educate the Baron.<\/li>
  144. I will not say I have a piece of paper proving that I\u2019m not crazy.<\/li>
  145. I will not listen to the ap Deweys.<\/li>
  146. Vehicular manslaughter is not a valid tournament style.<\/li>
  147. Neither is slap fight.<\/li>
  148. I am not allowed to make a Jonathan Coulton themed processional without permission.<\/li>
  149. I may not arbitrarily re-write tournament lengths.<\/li>
  150. I am not allowed to make court \u201cmore metal\u201d.<\/li>
  151. \u201cBy the hair of my chinny chin chin\u201d is not an appropriate oath of fealty.<\/li>
  152. Singing \u201cBenevento\u201d does not put you on the no-fly list, and I am not allowed to convince any more newcomers it does.<\/li>
  153. \u201cIn space no one can hear you scream, in Kansas no one cares\u201d is not the Baronial motto.<\/li>
  154. It\u2019s the Falcon Throne, not the Skull Throne, unless I am offering mine as the first.<\/li>
  155. Falcons for the Falcon throne makes no sense.<\/li>
  156. I am not allowed to second anyone\u2019s motion, boon, or seppuku.<\/li>
  157. I will not use a medical journal as a thesaurus.<\/li>
  158. I am not allowed to sing any testicle related song during the ball.<\/li>
  159. \u201c16 Knights\u201d is the name of the song, not its duration.<\/li>
  160. Even with the Royal dispensation, there is a limit to how much fun we can have,<\/li>
  161. \u201cThere\u2019s an app for that,\u201d does not refer to our Welsh members.<\/li>
  162. No matter what costumes I buy, I am not the blue lion of Percy, and I may not recreate Hotspur in the kitchens.<\/li>
  163. I may, under no circumstances, turn the Valor Ball into a ballroom blitz.<\/li>
  164. I may neither claim to be 1000 years old nor to have met anyone from any Shakespeare play.<\/li>
  165. Not allowed to encourage anyone to \u201cgun it.\u201d<\/li>
  166. I am not allowed to imply that flirting with me is the only reason foreign royals come to Valor.<\/li>
  167. Not allowed to coerce anyone in to snorting anything.\u00a0 Again.<\/li>
  168. If it is over ninety degrees, I may not comment on the heat.<\/li>
  169. I am not allowed to use any Yokozuna as kettle drums.<\/li>
  170. Or any kind of percussion instrument.<\/li>
  171. I am not a legend in my own mind.<\/li>
  172. The official Baronial vuvuzela is to be used with the Baroness\u2019 permission only.<\/li>
  173. And only with the originally intended orifices.<\/li>
  174. An airhorn is not an appropriate replacement for \u201cOyez\u201d<\/li>
  175. After that one time, I may not perform lap-dances at head table.<\/li>
  176. Not allowed to do morning announcements by joining people in bed and shouting \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d<\/li>
  177. A kilt, particularly regimental, is not appropriate for pole vaulting.<\/li>
  178. Even if Koribushka is being played, I may not use the parking lot for Tetris.<\/li>
  179. No level of coronet may be used as a Frisbee.<\/li>
  180. I may not sparkle party, German or otherwise.<\/li>
  181. I may not commander a water truck to turn the sumo ring into a mud pit.<\/li>
  182. Especially during the Men\u2019s round.<\/li>
  183. \u201cGame of Thrones\u201d notwithstanding, weapons do not make appropriate furniture.\u00a0 The Rattan Throne is not a thing.<\/li>
  184. I may not flip anyone of Royal rank.<\/li>
  185. I may not flip them off, either.<\/li>
  186. In addition to Rule 26, I may not bestow ecclesiastical rank above that of priest.<\/li>
  187. I may not invoke the Scout Law.<\/li>
  188. I cannot pretend I don\u2019t exist.<\/li>
  189. I may not refer to any seated noble as \u201cZod\u201d and force others to kneel before them.<\/li>
  190. Triple peers are to be respected for their accomplishments, not referred to as showoffs.<\/li>
  191. In addition to rule 186, \u201cLady Pope\u201d isn\u2019t documentable.<\/li>
  192. \u201cAnd for all the other shit they do\u201d has never appeared in any Calontir scroll to date.<\/li>
  193. No matter how handy it is, using an iPad to read scrolls from ruins the effect.<\/li>
  194. Especially if it is playing \u201cThe Final Countdown\u201d<\/li>
  195. And while stirring, the \u201cRocky\u201d theme is not ok for processionals.<\/li>
  196. No matter what the mall is doing, it\u2019s September.\u00a0 No Christmas songs.<\/li>
  197. Especially because I\u2019m Jewish.<\/li>
  198. Being hit in the cup does not automatically change your religion.<\/li>
  199. I may not announce any personal changes to any landed noble unless they have actually occurred, including but not limited to: Marital status, religion, or continued existence.<\/li>
  200. A boggle set is not appropriate for determining post-nominal letters.<\/li>
  201. In case I haven\u2019t figured it out by now \u201cbecause it\u2019s funny\u201d is not a universal excuse.<\/li>
  202. QUIT FIGHT RIGHT!<\/li>
  203. The term is \u2018angina\u2019, and I must get that right at least 80% of the time.<\/li>
  204. I\u2019m not allowed to say \u201cThe King said I could\u201d unless the King actually did, and said King is neither fictional not deceased.<\/li>
  205. I may not choreograph head table as Da Vinci\u2019s \u201cLast Supper\u201d without permission from every person sitting there.<\/li>
  206. I am to stop inserting fake names into Calontir\u2019s royal lineage.\u00a0 Especially with current royalty from other Kingdoms.<\/li>
  207. No one will believe Minamoto Yomama, Sprechen C. Deutschebag, or Felipe Enormowang were real Kings of Calontir anyway.<\/li>
  208. While it worked for Joyce, stream of consciousness is not appropriate for court heraldry.<\/li>
  209. Or field heraldry, camp cries, or tavern orders.<\/li>
  210. It is the Third Reich, and the Fifth Column, and I need to keep them straight for anyone to understand my smack talk.<\/li>
  211. I am not allowed to tell any more newcomers that Dukes wear marijuana leaves on their coronets.<\/li>
  212. There are no weight classes in SCA heavy fighting, and I need to stop inventing them.<\/li>
  213. I may not use zoological journals as a thesaurus anymore.\u00a0 Nor try to define anyone\u2019s Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, or Species.<\/li>
  214. There are in fact topics too heated for open discussion, or inclusion on this list.<\/li>
  215. I am not to encourage fighters to hit each other \u201cuntil one of their heads pops off.\u201d\u00a0 They are not Rock \u2018em Sock \u2018em Robots.<\/li>
  216. I am neither personally responsible nor capable of \u201cbringing sexy back.\u201d<\/li>
  217. Appendix 2 is a lie.<\/li>
  218. I am not allowed to hang vacancy signs from their Excellencies\u2019 chairs.<\/li>
  219. Just because something is true does not mean I have to say it.<\/li>
  220. At the top of my lungs.<\/li>
  221. Repeatedly.<\/li>
  222. In court.<\/li>
  223. Naked.<\/li>
  224. As far as I am concerned, cattle prods are never the answer.<\/li>
  225. The society is tax exempt, I am not.<\/li>
  226. \u201cMolotov cocktails\u201d will never be valid thrown weapons<\/li>
  227. Just because my troll shift is still going at 2 AM is not cause to start loudly singing \u201cDay-O.\u201d<\/li>
  228. I may not refer to my mundane name as nom du sad<\/em>.<\/li>
  229. Even though I am Jewish, I may not ask Egyptian personae for reparations.\u00a0 Again.<\/li>
  230. There is no form of safe sex referred to as \u201cThe Steel-Shod Dance.\u201d<\/li>
  231. If my persona\u2019s name takes up more than two lines of standard sized paper, I can\u2019t have it.<\/li>
  232. When the herald says \u201cAll rise\u201d, it must not be on my hands.<\/li>
  233. The hospital may have A\/C, but that is not an excuse to hurt myself.<\/li>
  234. Or others.<\/li>
  235. Scottish paratroopers violate corpora.<\/li>
  236. The lands that burn are a metaphor, and I should \u201cput the fucking kerosene away.\u201d<\/li>
  237. I am not allowed to suggest anyone put out for caffeine.<\/li>
  238. I am not allowed to utter the phrase \u201cpants off dance off.\u201d<\/li>
  239. I may not invent more than 4 new euphemisms for genitalia per Valor.<\/li>
  240. Being double parked in is not adequate provocation to go to war with France.<\/li>
  241. My ancestors did not pull chariots, and I may not imply I am hung like those who did.<\/li>
  242. Mischief managed is not an appropriate ending to court.<\/li>
  243. Neither \u201cS.T.D.\u201d nor \u201cB.A.M.F.\u201d are approved post-nominals.<\/li>
  244. I am not allowed to distribute matches.\u00a0 Especially metaphorical ones.<\/li>
  245. I may not replace the Baron\u2019s sunscreen with mayonnaise.\u00a0 Of any brand.<\/li>
  246. I will not actively court banishment.<\/li>
  247. Gongs are a privilege, not a right.<\/li>
  248. The song of the Shieldwall is not \u201cI Get Knocked Down\u201d by Chumbawumba.<\/li>
  249. I will not mention the forbidden 11th Company.<\/li>
  250. The penis is not mightier than the sword.<\/li>
  251. No longer allowed to dance the Hokey Pokey in the Doyo.<\/li>
  252. May not inveigle the King into a sumo match.<\/li>
  253. Just because I have a breeding pair of elephants from Mongol Mike\u2019s doesn\u2019t mean I can sell Elephant futures.<\/li>
  254. I may not invent new hairstyles.<\/li>
  255. Especially the \u201cZoe-hawk.\u201d<\/li>
  256. Even if it is objectively true, I may not advertise myself as \u201cThe most fun you can have in court while sober and clothed.\u201d<\/li>
  257. Especially on business cards.<\/li>
  258. I may not spread the rumor that Baroness Zoe only loves Baron Donald for his \u201cfancy polish pickle.\u201d<\/li>
  259. I am neither an M.D. nor a 7th Day Adventist, so I may not proscribe graham crackers for any illness.<\/li>
  260. If it must be cleaned up with a mop and bucket, I cannot do it during court.<\/li>
  261. I will not take any ruling noble or Monarch\u2019s scepter and replace it with a \u201cflesh light.\u201d<\/li>
  262. I am not on a mission from BoD.<\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    This list originated at Valor in 2012 or 2013, representing primarily the efforts of myself and Lord Cuadhri. Many others contributed as well. This list was what caused an attendee at Valor to say “Wait, Uji is real? I thought they made you up.” This list has been edited to remove some jokes which appeared […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sca"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=279"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":284,"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279\/revisions\/284"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dishonoronyourcow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}